O Lord, You know I fed, watered, and pampered these plants. I talked to them, even read my books to them, yet the ingrates refused to thrive. So, I dumped these rejects where no one can see. I hope the frost gets them first!
What’s that, Lord? OMG, you love rejects? And You can recreate them … like this?
Before pet owners condemn me to deep doo-doo, please believe that I hold the utmost respect for animal lovers. They invest enormous amounts of time, money and love in their animal buds. One friend even shares hot fudge sundaes with her German shepherd.
I’d share with my husband. On his birthday. But with a dog?
Sorry. I don’t get it.
Yes, God made sure Noah took animals aboard the Ark, though it soon would rain cats and dogs. However, plants would have required feeding only once every two weeks. The family wouldn’t have shoveled nearly as many, um, by-products.
But the Lord counted on plants to take care of themselves — a big reason I’m a plant person.
I’ve never paper-trained a plant. They don’t nudge me at 5 a.m. to go outside. They don’t bark or jump on guests. Plants don’t lick.
I haven’t lost a single new shoe to a plant’s fangs. Nor does my fern, unlike my daughter’s dog, shred the family’s underwear. If a plant outgrows its space, I can trim it. A plant will even hold still. (Just try this with a Lab.) I don’t scour neighborhoods for runaway plants or pay hefty shelter fees to bail them out. No vet appointments inflate my budget.
Unlike horses, they cannot kick me in the head.
Plants never eye me with the “Oh, is that you, peasant?” stare favored by most felines.
My black-eyed Susans and tiger lilies engage in leaf-to-leaf combat for dominance, but they never yowl under my window during the wee hours.
Plants even diminish carbon dioxide and add oxygen to the air. Animals? The reverse.
Admittedly, plants are not perfect. While they don’t bite, some boast nasty thorns. My child preferred to teethe on poisonous ones.
Plants shed, but their shedding is localized. I don’t find a thousand leaves stuck to my Sunday morning attire.
Plants also can be fussy as your Aunt Prilla Lou. They readily lay on wilt-guilt when I subject them to too much sun, not enough sun, too much moisture, not enough. Despite my friend’s assertion that “you can’t kill herbs,” I am a serial basil killer.
That’s the biggest reason I am a plant person. I grieve the herbs I kill and the poinsettias that shrivel, but I rarely shed tears for them. I never conduct plant funerals, as I did for our children’s hamsters, ceremonies so numerous the neighbors suspected a cult.
Hats off to folks who not only risk tears, but share sundaes with animal buds.
Still, unless my daffodils ask outright for a taste, I’ll handle hot fudge by myself.
Your Extraordinary Ordinary: Are you a plant or animal person? Both?
O Lord, You didn’t give plants the ability to speak words, bark, or meow. They can’t even drag their dishes across the floor. But OMG, when we forget to water them (for two whole days!), they make their feelings very clear.
Reading this title, even I think
I ought to get out more. Who spends Saturday nights holding a hose?
Of course, I blame my parents for
my less-than-wild lifestyle. Mom, a pastor’s wife with five stair-step children,
gladly would have enjoyed a few uninterrupted minutes to do nothing but water
petunias and breathe. But with little time to do either, she elected me.
I almost preferred babysitting my
brothers. At least, they did exciting things like setting the sofa afire. Still,
I created excitement when the little creeps ventured too close, spraying them
into the stratosphere.
Mostly, though, I considered
watering in the same class as listening to my dad preach. Both were good things
I should do, but the tasks seemed to go on forever and ever, amen.
With young adulthood, watering ended.
Watering fairies in apartment complexes waved magic hoses, keeping grass and
flowers bright and pretty as a box of Crayolas. However, when Hubby and I rented
our first house, we found, to our shock, that the watering fairies hadn’t
jumped onto the moving truck.
When we built our first house, I served as Mommy to the new lawn, as well as to three children. The Goddess of Liquid, supervising input and output, all I did was nurse babies, diaper babies and water grass.
Though the job description has
narrowed, I still spend hours and dollars every summer hydrating our arid property.
Spending less money and effort, I could buy veggies and flowers at the grocery.
But even beyond the scrumptiousness of homegrown stuff, watering presents other
For me, it fills the place that
being a soccer mom once held. Then, I could justify a chaotic house and a car
resembling a McDonald’s dumpster on wheels in the name of supporting my
children. Privately, though, other soccer moms and I considered our noble
pastime legalized loafing.
But my children grew up. So, I’ve
created a whole new concept.
If I water the flower bed near the street, half of Upland’s population walks/bikes/ Rollerblades past. Cute babies wave from strollers. Drivers stop dead in the middle of the street for conversation. I connect with neighbors, also looking noble as they water. And why not? We are greening the earth, as well as nurturing our inner loafers.
Actually, I keep quite busy while
I water. Mentally scanning cabinets and fridge, I formulate grocery lists. I
ponder my position on abortion. I review knock-knock jokes for our grandson. I
pray for our sick neighbor. I count fireflies. I watch a dead-end street
baseball game. I decide how to kill off the victim in my next novel. …
Who says watering isn’t exciting?
Your Extraordinary Ordinary:
Are you the watering fairy in your family?