Father, thank You for a church who can turn a business meeting into a warm, loving family affair. Though, OMG, two tables of desserts probably sweetened things.
OMG, It’s Monday! Prayer: Sacred Communion
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Tag Archives: Desserts
Old Friends
When Old Friends visit, we eat at Ivanhoe’s, a restaurant boasting 100 sundaes and shakes.
Still, I’m the star attraction, you understand.
I come to Ivanhoe’s early, where I hoard the last empty table and chairs like a miser. Seventy-three people lined up at the counter glare.
My mean face warns every Harley rider, professor, farmer, mommy, pastor and sixth-grader: Go ahead, make my day. Grab this table, and I’ll dance on it to the loudspeaker music.
You don’t want to see that.
Old Friends arrive! We hug, and they join the line. I remain at my post, teeth bared.
Finally seated, we catch up on marrying and burying news. The crowd’s noise makes it difficult to hear, but we fix that. We yell.
Old Friend #1: Our 401k tanked.
Old Friend #2: (louder) My son’s driving an army tank, too.
O. F. #3 (louder) My last tank of gas cost a second mortgage.
O.F. (LOUD) Your septic tank overflowed?
The dining room clears. We don’t have to stand in line for dessert.
We study the menu as if it determines our eternal destiny and choose Moose Tracks, Mocha Almond Crumb, Fudge Mint, Butterscotch, Raspberry, and Boston Cream Pie Sundaes. Sacred silence prevails as we dig in.
Even after ice cream, we fit in the van — if we bunch like celery and don’t breathe. But Jaws of Life has to free us.
As we yak at my house, I remember when my husband and I sang at one Old Friend’s wedding. Another O.F. and I, having daughters of similar ages, braved training bras, driving lessons and wedding planning together. A third O.F. created an over-the-hill cake, complete with open grave, for my 40th birthday.
We prayed together throughout decades. About real estate, wars, car break-downs, pregnancies, weird relatives, the President, potty training, abortion, teen drivers and last, but not least, our husbands. No one could — or can — escape our prayers.
All too soon, they leave. But I’ll travel to one Old Friend’s feast in December, when she prepares homemade soups and breads with melt-in-your-mouth Christmas cookies of every size, shape and flavor.
I can’t wait to see Old Friends again.
They’re the star attraction, you understand.
Your Extraordinary Ordinary: What old friends are special to you?
OMG, It’s Monday! Prayer: No-Temptation Birthday Cake
OMG, It’s Monday! Prayer: No-Temptation Birthday Cake. O Lord, thank You that this pineapple upside-down cake turned out well for my husband’s birthday. And OMG, thank You that though it is his favorite, I can walk away from this cake without a pang.
But if it were chocolate. …
OMG, It’s Monday! Prayer: Busted
OMG, I suppose it doesn’t do any good to pretend I didn’t lick the brownie bowl? (Or, um … eat half the pan?)
OMG, It’s Monday! Prayer
Lord, thank you for ripe, melting peaches, especially in peach praline shortcake. Do I also appreciate the 20-mile bike rides Hubby plans in order to lessen the shortcake effects? OMG, I am grateful . . . when they’re done.
OMG, It’s Monday! Prayer: Old Moms Have It Good
O my God, thank You for entrusting three wonderful, beautiful children to me. And, OMG, thank You that now that they’re busy caring for their own kids, I could eat this whole thing on Mother’s Day without sharing a single bite.
Diary of the Christmas Fudge
December 16, 2016
My short—but sweet—life began as an on-sale bag of sugar.
Then the Fudge Monster decided to double her Christmas fudge output. Having bought one bag in November, she bought me in December.
She hasn’t found the November bag yet.
Perhaps it languishes where she stowed four boxes of Christmas cards, her mother-in-law’s present, and a missing gallon of egg nog — plus all that extra money she thought she’d stashed.
December 24, 2016 – Christmas Eve
Sadly, the Fudge Monster delayed making fudge until Christmas Eve … after stores closed.
No double batch.
The Fudge Monster wept.
But did she let a little senility stop her?
Never.
She considered borrowing from a neighbor. But six cups of sugar? On Christmas Eve?
So the Monster used me — the December bag — plus sugar salvaged from various bowls and a Cool Whip container she took camping last summer. Finally, she located a bag with cement-like contents probably bought when a Bush was president.
As she chipped sugar, her husband questioned her wisdom.
Thankfully, the Fudge Monster, wielding wooden spoons like a kitchen samurai, chased him out.
She hacked chocolate and pecans like firewood. She measured and boiled. The Monster stirred and stirred, finally pouring my smooth mixture into a buttered pan. She filled another. And another. Whoa, unlimited chocolate power!
If I solidified.
The Fudge Monster stuck in a spoon. It sank deep into my thin syrup.
Sixty seconds later, she checked again.
Thirty seconds.
I objected. Would she like someone poking to see if her core was solid?
The Monster called to Hubby: Did he think half our county would like chocolate sauce for Christmas?
From the safety of his locked truck, he answered, “Certainly, dear. Everyone needs a gallon or two.”
Later, she dared sample a corner.
Voilà! I am the best fudge she’d ever made!
Later that night, a gooey kitchen returned the Fudge Monster to reality. Even the toaster was glued to the counter.
With hair marshmallowed to her face, the Fudge Monster could have intimidated Bigfoot.
With 10 guests due within hours, she coat-hangered Hubby’s truck door and dragged him inside to help.
Together they whipped the kitchen into shape.
December 25, 2016 – Christmas Day
Their family arrived to celebrate and eat fudge.
Snarfing creamy, chocolaty chunks, the Monster was in such a magnanimous mood that, instead of hiding my extra pans under her bed, she sent fudge home with them.
And they say Christmas miracles don’t happen.
January, 2017
After Christmas, the Monster celebrated New Year’s Eve with fudge. New Year’s Day. Every single football game on TV. Her dryer’s completion of a perma-press cycle.
However, a January Judgment Day, when she finally mounted the bathroom scales exiled my remaining yumminess to the freezer. …
Until her dryer’s perma-press cycle buzzed once more.
What kind of Goodie Monster lives at your house every Christmas?
OMG, It’s Monday! Prayer
O my God, my older daughter’s bringing pie for Thanksgiving. My younger daughter’s bringing pie for Thanksgiving. So is my mother-in-law. OMG, Thanks for listening to my pie prayers! Because there’s never too much pie.