Vanity Versus Sanity Award

One day, upon fetching the mail, my husband all but sounded a trumpet as he waved a letter. “Guess what?”

Turns out, he’d won 2021 Doctor of the Year. Not only did the company promise to laud his superior work in syndicated publications, they offered a website where he could obtain a beautiful plaque to commemorate his many accomplishments as a radiologist.

“And I thought you’d done family practice for 41 years.” I crossed my arms. “All this time, you’d been a radiologist? What else haven’t you told me?”

“I didn’t know I was a radiologist, either,” Hubby said. “How nice of them to remind me. Though I might remind them I retired in 2019. And that my name isn’t spelled “P-H-I-L-L-I-P-P.”

“Picky, picky,” I said. “Here, they bestow this incredible honor, and you fuss about silly details.”

After all, nobody has sent me an award. I can think of several I could win, hands down:

  • The Technology Hates Me Award. I have no doubt I could win world honors.
  • The Ultimate Spreader of Potato Chips on the Kitchen Floor Award.
  • The Best Loser of All Important Items, including, but not limited to, purses, keys, IDs, visas, passports and passwords.
  • The Ratty Bathrobe Award, granted only to those who display a special talent for anti-romance fashion.

When I protested my marginalization, Hubby agreed. “You should have taken first place in every category.”

“Darn right,” I sniffled. “You’d think they’d at least give me an honorable mention in Garage Crashing.”

Hubby said gently, “As much as I’d love for you to receive all you deserve, too many awards in this household might get expensive.”

“Expensive?”

“Yep.” He brought up www.dr.phillipp.awesome.radiologist.com. “Seems they want me to pay for my plaque.”

“Pay?” My cheapo gene shriveled. “For an award?”

“Yes. And I’m not the only lucky winner in the world asked to contribute to his prize.”

Hubby showed me an article by Dino Jahić, editor-in-chief of the Center for Investigative Journalism of Serbia. He was notified he’d received a special award — one he could pick up for only 4,750 Euros ($5,600) in “participation fees.”

At least, Hubby said, they spelled his name right. He tossed his own vanity award letter into the trash.

“Vanity of vanities; all is vanity,” said wise King Solomon in the biblical book of Ecclesiastes. No doubt, God granted him sufficient smarts to realize he shouldn’t pay big bucks to inflate his ego.

After all, God gave Solomon his gifts, so why should he bribe the world to recognize him?

We aren’t obliged to pay them off, either. For those who love Him, God is always on the front row, cheering what we, with His help, accomplish.

Plus, He always spells our names right.

Your Extraordinary Ordinary: Have you ever received a vanity award?

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