Don We Now Our Ugly Apparel?

Time to break out the Christmas carols. The Christmas cookies.

Time for us Christmas sweater fans to strut our stuff.

Image by RitaE from Pixabay.

I have worn them since the 1980s. No decent woman then would have appeared in public during December without one. For years, I wore a sweater featuring stripes of geometric snowmen, hearts and Christmas trees, bought during after-Christmas sales. It proved great bargaining material, as my children would do anything to keep it in the closet.

My current numero uno, purchased (of course) during after-Christmas sales, features satin poinsettias, cardinals and gold snowflakes on black background. Tasteful. Perfect with pre- or post-Christmas black pants/skirt.

Yet I doubt it’s Hubby’s favorite.

Perhaps because, when I asked him to drop it off at the cleaners, he admitted to dropping it off a bridge.

I fished it out.

Obviously, he doesn’t realize Christmas sweaters are “in.” Thanks to visionaries, including three Indiana State University students, customers scour stores and the Internet for unique finds. The ISU students, strapped for Christmas cash, invested their pooled $60 in thrift store finds, featuring them on a website. By Christmas, they’d sold a thousand, quadrupling sales the following year.

Justin Bieber shattered the Christmas sweater generation barrier by wearing a red and white snowflake number — costing $1,700 — while performing on Today. Teen girls who would have been boiled in eggnog rather than wear Christmas sweaters soon boasted similar attire, blinged with glitter, ribbons and jingle bells.

This outpouring of support seems a dream come true for Christmas sweater devotees. However, one word disturbs me: ugly.


Every advertiser describes these as “ugly.”

I researched this serious threat to the wear-a-Christmas-sweater movement for 5,000 straight hours.

Sadly, resulting data established that ugly Christmas sweaters do exist. Some display slogans such as “Get your fat pants ready,” “Fruitcake,” “Regift,” and “Merry Christmas, ya filthy animal.” (The last, featuring a reindeer, slandered poor Rudolph.) Sweaters that include Darth Vader and Grateful Dead teddy bears also deserve askance. One featuring a fireplace lit by a flaming-log video is downright cozy. But a similar device in which Santa’s beady eyes squint back and forth under the caption, “He sees you when you’re sleeping,” could warrant years of therapy.

Still, evidence indicates most Christmas sweaters called “ugly” are, in fact, adorable. What’s not to like about candy canes and Christmas trees? Puppies, kitties, cardinals and penguins? I wouldn’t wear flamingos, feathers and palm trees with neon lights to Christmas Eve service. But you might see me wearing it to a party. …

Especially if I find two similar ones at after-Christmas sales. After all, Hubby dear, matching couples’ sweaters are doubly in.

Your Extraordinary Ordinary: Is your favorite Christmas sweater ugly?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *