Ah, resolutions. As in shaping up. Getting a grip.
You gotta love ’em.
No, you don’t. I don’t, either.
I used to procrastinate, thinking long and deep about resolutions, researching, editing, and reediting. My well-honed list didn’t emerge until February. I ate junk food, remained a couch potato, and avoided being nice a whole extra month.
Recently, though, I discovered a new, improved resolution-making method that reduces procrastination, yet prevents the root-canal effect of good behavior. My secret? I make only resolutions I can keep.
Simple. Profound. Why didn’t Einstein or some other genius with funny hair discover this?
I’m already hard at work, keeping my 2019 list.
In household matters:
- I resolve not to embrace the latest décor: skinny sofas with all the cushy comfort of park benches and chairs designed by those who hate vertebrates. My outdated sofa will continue to encourage naps instead of body casts.
- I also resolve not to rearrange my current furniture. My heart couldn’t take moving it. Or, seeing what’s under it.
- I will resist the temptation to make our bread from scratch. Admittedly, I used to do this. But we must shed past follies, right?
In transportation matters:
- No white car of mine shall remain white.
- I will never take a flight to see my dad in Louisiana that doesn’t include a stop in Fargo, North Dakota.
In sports matters:
- I promise to cheer against the New England Patriots forever, even if they move to the Midwest.
- I promise to cheer the Kentucky Wildcats only if they move away from the Midwest.
In marriage and family matters:
- Even in January, I will crack my bedroom window for fresh air. An added plus: I like sleeping with a giant burrito.
- I resolve to freak out as my only granddaughter blossoms. Two freaked-out parents aren’t enough to supply the embarrassment levels every teen needs.
In miscellaneous matters:
- I promise not to pay perfectly good money to die on Six Flags Great Adventure’s Kingda Ka, the tallest roller coaster in the world.
- I will waste time viewing sunrises and sunsets.
- I promise to sing along with raindrop music, and
- I will click the TV remote when Victoria’s Secret ads appear.
Finally, in post-holiday matters:
I won’t take down my Christmas tree until I’m good and ready. Between Advent celebrations and a January 1 book deadline, I’ve taken little time to enjoy it. Besides, snow deserted Indiana this year. True Christmas tree appreciation requires snowflakes dancing outside my window. So, I’ll cradle my steaming holly mug, with carols playing and tree glowing, until my snow-goal is met.
Not that I’m procrastinating, or anything.
Your Extraordinary Ordinary: What keepable New Year’s resolutions will you make for 2019?